It’s a dark night in downtown Minnesota. JAY CUTLER walks down an alley outside of the Metrodome, carrying a large teddy bear wearing a Bears jersey.

CUTLER: Wait 'til Olsen sees what I won for him at the carnival! 

In front of him, three members of the Minnesota Vikings appear: JARED ALLEN, sporting a mullet down to his knees; ADRIAN PETERSON, his skin covered in reptilian scales bearing the Nike logo; and BRETT FAVRE, holding a football and wearing a pair of Wrangler jeans.

ALLEN: Where ya goin’, pretty boy?

CUTLER: T-t-to the stadium, to play you guys.

FAVRE: What do you say we play right now? Without all those refs getting in the way?

They attack. Peterson runs over Cutler and knocks him down. Allen wraps Cutler up, forcing Cutler’s face into Allen’s armpit.

CUTLER: (trying not to smell) Oh God, it’s even worse than Aaron Rodgers said!

Favre cocks his arm back and throws a perfect spiral, right into Cutler’s nose. Cutler collapses as the Vikings run away, jeering at him. Out of the shadows, a figure appears, coming to Cutler’s side and carrying him away.

In a room at Halas Hall, Cutler wakes up. He sees the figure in the light: MR. MILOVIE.

A wise man helped Jay Cutler regain his focus and lead the Bears to an overtime victory Monday night.

CUTLER: Where am I?

MILOVIE: You still in Chicago, Cutlersan.

CUTLER: Rats, I was hoping I was back in Denver.

MILOVIE: (sighs in disgust) You problem is you focus on what you used have, Cutlersan. You need focus on what have now.

CUTLER: Why are you talking like that? Aren’t you from Texas?

MILOVIE: (slaps Cutler in the back of the head) You want beat Vikings next time or argue about accent?

CUTLER: Beat the Vikings. I hate those guys, especially Brett Favre.

MILOVIE: I show you how.

They go to Lovie’s house. At the end of the driveway, near a big pothole, MiLovie hands Cutler a shovel and a bucket of gravel.

MILOVIE: Show me ... fill the pothole.

CUTLER: Fill the pothole? Shouldn’t we be at practice?

MILOVIE: Arrr, focus! Look in eye. Do as I say and beat Vikings. Now, fill the pothole.

Cutler takes the shovel and starts filling it in. When he finishes, he hands the shovel to MiLovie, but MiLovie waves his arms up and down the street.

MILOVIE: This Chicago, Cutlersan. Many pothole to fill. (He laughs to himself and goes into the house.)

Cutler returns again to MiLovie’s house after a snowstorm. MiLovie hands him a snow shovel.

MILOVIE: Show me, shovel driveway.

CUTLER: What? I want to throw touchdowns.

MILOVIE: (mocking Cutler) I want to throw touchdowns, I want to throw touchdowns. You need strength, Cutlersan, strength that can only come from shovel snow!

CUTLER: Okay.

He takes the shovel and starts clearing the driveway.

MILOVIE: When finished, come inside. Show you make deep-dish pizza.

A few weeks later, against a match with Baltimore, Cutler gets beaten to a pulp. After the contest, he confronts MILOVIE.

CUTLER: This is crap! I’m getting killed each week. It wasn’t like this in Denver. I need to work on my throwing and you’ve got me shoveling snow and flipping pizza dough!

MILOVIE: Cutlersan! I teach you what it means to be Chicagoan. Fill pothole, shovel snow, make delicious pizza. This who you are now. You not in Denver anymore. This is home now. You only play or waive. There is no trade.

CUTLER: You’re right. But Minnesota is coming up, Mr. MiLovie. Those guys are tough. All the papers and smart-aleck bloggers are saying I’m going to get roughed up.

MILOVIE: (puts hand on Cutler’s shoulder) You no listen to them. You listen here (points to Cutler’s heart). You have heart, Cutlersan. You can beat Minnesota.

Cutler arrives at the match to face the Vikings. Their coach, BRAD CHILDRESS, glares at Cutler as he fights his team. A montage of scenes occurs as the song “You’re the Best Around” plays. First, Cutler squares off against a Vikings cornerback. He pretend uses a play-action maneuver, spinning the ball like its pizza dough and confusing the cornerback, before taking it and hitting his receiver for a big gain.

Jarred Allen comes at Cutler, getting ready to sack him. But Cutler makes a shovel motion, using Allen’s weight to flip him over and avoid the sack. With the game on the line, Coach Childress grabs Favre.

CHILDRESS: (in a low, menacing voice) Run the sweep with Peterson.

Favre runs the sweep and Peterson scores, getting the Vikings back into it. A wounded Cutler throws an interception, and Favre hammers away, getting the Vikings back into it and tying the game.

On the sideline, Mr. MiLovie comes to Cutler’s side.

Jay Cutler regained enough feeling in his frozen throwing hand to toss four TD passes, including the winner in overtime.

CUTLER: Mr. MiLovie, Favre’s too good. I can’t beat him. And my hands are so cold.

MILOVIE: Cutlersan, you better than Favre. You can bet him. And I fix cold hands. 

MiLovie rubs his hands together and warms up Cutler’s.

CUTLER: My hands, I can feel them again!

MILOVIE: Now go out and win in overtime!

As overtime begins, Cutler moves down the field and gets the Bears into field goal range. But they miss the kick. The Vikings erupt in cheers as Cutler walks off the field.

ALLEN: (yelling) Yeah, yeah! Get him a body bag!

Before taking the field, Favre strips off his football pants, revealing his Wrangler jeans. As he gets ready to go in again, Childress grabs him.

CHILDRESS: Run the sweep again.

FAVRE: Hey, ya dillweed, why don’t ya let me pass?

CHILDRESS: Who is the coach here?

FAVRE: Somebody else’ll be if this don’t work.

Favre runs the sweep, but Peterson fumbles, giving the Bears another chance. Favre argues with Childress while Cutler talks with MiLovie.

CUTLER: I’ll get us closer to field goal range this time, Mr. MiLovie. 

MILOVIE: No. We go all way, Cutlersan. All way.

Cutler nods. He takes the field and gets in the shotgun. Before the snap, he raises his arms to his side and one leg up. The Vikings laugh, including the Vikings cornerback. But when the snap comes, Cutler kicks the ball down the field. The Bears receiver takes off, catching the cornerback off guard, and he catches the ball for the winning touchdown.

Cutler runs up and hugs MiLovie.

CUTLER: We did it, we did it!

MILOVIE: Hai, Cutlersan. You save season and maybe save job for MiLovie. But just in case, come by tomorrow and we practice update resume.

They both laugh as the frame freezes.

-- BRANDON TRISSLER