Hello?

Josh? It’s me.

Jay? I told you never to call me at home.

I’m sorry, it’s just … I miss you. I miss Denver.

Let’s not have this conversation.

I thought maybe you’d want to, you know, talk. Don’t you miss me?

What if I did, Jay? What difference would it make? We’re already past the trade deadline. You just signed a contract extension with Chicago.



Oh, come on, Josh. You know as well as I do contracts don’t mean anything in the NFL. Can’t you work out some waiver wire trade?

That’s baseball. Besides, even if I could do something, you’re the one who was dying to leave.

I know, I know, but I’m getting killed out here. Did you see the game today against the Cardinals? How my line blocks? With every snap, I have to wonder if it’s going to be my last. Then when I’m running for my life, my receivers just stand around and watch. It’s not like it was when I was with you and Brandon.

Jay …

And my defense? I know I said some things last year about our D, but man, have you seen these clowns? Arizona ran all over us. Arizona! We couldn’t stop a guy named Beanie.

Jay …

The worst thing is, no one seems to care. The coach just sits there on the sideline, like he’s trying to figure out what he wants to order from a McDonald’s menu. He’s not all fired up like you. My offensive coordinator calls for 3-yard outs on third-and-5. The GM traded a second-round pick for some defensive end who’s smaller than I am. It’s a freaking disaster here.

Jay, stop. Look, I feel bad for you, OK? I saw what happened today. I saw what happened a couple weeks ago in Cincinnati. You deserve better. But you’re the one that left. Do you know how hard that was for me to get over, all the things people said about me, how I drove you to Chicago?

I’m sorry, really. I’ll tell everyone it was my fault. I’ll take out a full page ad in the Denver Post that says I’m sorry. Just get me outta here. I’ll bet if you give our GM a third-rounder, Eddie Royal, and a case of Fat Tire beer, he’ll probably consider it.

I can’t, Jay. I had to work really hard to get this team back on track after all that drama, and things are going really well with Kyle now.  

Oh come on, Josh. I threw for 369 yards today. Did you see that big pass I hit Hester with? Forty-two yards in the air. Kyle couldn’t make that throw if you spotted him 20 yards.

Now you’re just being vindictive.

I made Greg Olsen look like an All-Pro tight end today. Greg Olsen, Josh. You can’t sit there and tell me you don’t wonder what it would be like if we were together again. They’d be saying, “contenders” instead of “pretenders.”

Stop it! Just stop it! You had your chance with me, Jay. You walked away. You said you wanted out of here. And to be honest, I can’t take your wildness, your throws into coverage, your turnovers.

That’s my receivers running the wrong routes. Heck, my best receiver here didn’t even play receiver in college.

It’s always your receivers, or the coverage, or the blocking. It’s always someone else’s fault with you. I’ve got a good thing going with Kyle. He takes care of the football. He doesn’t sneer at me when I give him the plays to run. He doesn’t pout when I don’t let him throw 40 times a game.

I can change.

You did, change, Jay. You changed teams. Now you have to live with that. Hold on … Hi Kyle. It’s just Belichick, uh, calling to congratulate me on a good bye week. I’ll be off in a minute.

Josh, come on, drop the zero and get with the hero.

For the record, Jay, that zero has a higher quarterback rating than you do. You wanted out of this relationship so badly, you figure out how to make it work in Chicago. Good bye.

… Hey, Lovie, it’s me. Say, you want to watch some film together? … No, not a film, game film, you know, of the 49ers. …What are you talking about, we have a whole library of film on other teams. … Just meet me at the practice facility, I’ll show you how to use it …

--BRANDON TRISSLER