Louis Pasteur is heralded as a hero. He should be. His selfless work resulted in the greatest medical breakthrough in history at the time. I guess that’s only so impressive, considering leeching was the greatest medical breakthrough of its time. Nevertheless, penicillin was a revelation, forever changing the world, making the uncurable curable. For every reason that Pasteur is lifted on the shoulders of society, so too should Matt Millen because he created football penicillin: the Detroit Lions.

Sure, the man was finally released from his enigmatic duties last season, but his stink is still floating all over this team. In fact, every element that isn’t a colossal negative was brought in by the new regime. So enjoy it while it lasts because soon Detroit will be cleansed of its Millen. But for now, it’s just what the doctor ordered.



The Baltimore Ravens are about as low as they could possibly be right now. Certainly, this is as bad as it’s gotten all season. The Green Bay game was a total ten-car-pile-up-during-Katrina disaster. The defense was blasted in the first half, the sterling young quarterback was painfully erratic and, with the help of the Pack, the game was the second-most penalized game in NFL history. This includes the early days of the game when no one had a helmet and some defenders wielded clubs. It’s about as bad as the Ravens have been.

And here come the Lions.

There isn’t a conceivable way that the Ravens will lose at home to the Lions. But that’s just how bad the Lions are, and say what you want about the 2009 Ravens, they don’t lose to bad teams. So with a win all but guaranteed, what do we want from this game? Let us make our Christmas List:

1) An early start. The biggest difference between the ultra-dominant Ravens in September and the confused and docile Ravens in November is the beginning of games. We need to come out guns blazing, and I mean like Chow Yun Fat guns blazing. Score on the first two possessions, reminding the Lions who they are.

2) Sacks. The biggest difference between the ’08 and ’09 Ravens has been the pass rush. Last season, quarterbacks were terrified of the ridiculous, Dr. Seuss pressure they would face at the hands of the O.C. This year, the pressure is picked up, every...single...time. We’re either facing a rookie quarterback with half a shoulder or Megatron. Let’s get after this guy.

3) Picks. Interceptions come in waves. It’s sort of like a fire-bet on a craps table. Once you start getting them, it’s almost impossible to stop. Once Lardarius Webb and, god-willing, Domonique Foxworth start figuring out how to pick off passes, it could easily translate the rest of the way.

4) Ruthless Flacco. Aside from being a great name for a G.I. Joe villain, RF is the deadly accurate Joe we saw early in the season. I mean, the guy looked like Dan Fouts. But recently, he sees Derrick Mason is covered, panics, sees Ray Rice is covered, panics again, and throws the ball to one of those two guys anyway. No one needs a big fat Silver and Blue Xanax like No. 5.

So how do the Ravens lose this game? If some or none of these things happen. If the L.A. Lakers face off against Middlebury’s women’s team and the Lady Panthers get on the board, no one feels good about themselves afterwards.

Of course, the other possibility is that Calvin Johnson lines up against Frank Walker. In which case, all bets are off.

And if that happens, we’ll have to find the NFL equivalent of Zoloft. --- MIKE ROSOLIO.